Just rereading some old posts and figured I would give this one more try. I dont know what to write to be honest so lets blather on for a minute.

I'm 22 years old. I've been out of high school for almost 5 years. I look back on the kind of person I was 5 years ago and I laugh a bit. At 17 you think you have the world figured out but nothing could be further from the truth. A wise man knows how little he knows. There will always be someone stronger, faster, smarter, better looking, richer, or just plain luckier. That's the law of life. When you think you understand, you really dont.

This is just a cursory introduction to my head space. 15 minutes before class I'm hammering this out just to kill time. Introduction to Speech Communication is actually a pretty fun class. I actually look forward to Mondays and Wednesdays for a change.

I leave you with this:

Smile when your sad. Laugh when you're cry. Fake it long enough and it'll become reality. Fool yourself and you can fool anyone.

It's almost been a year since I posted on here. Oh how the time flys.

I started rereading some of the journals of the past.

Was fun taking a trip down memory lane.

This is my senior year and I'm to lazy to write the event down on paper. This will have to do for now.

I dont want to forget.

Victory or defeat, I shall try my best to remember this year.

Fuck ya. I have power bitches. Suck on my AC.

So I finally finshed my Creative Writing paper. It's not that good but this is my own little dream.

David?" No response.
"David, are you awake?" the teacher asks as more of a formality then a question.
The person who is being spoken too looks up in a daze, wondering if he's awake yet. He decides either way he should give some sign that he's still breathing.
"Whha?" He manages to say without moving his jaw.
"Your parents don't send you to this school to sleep. Wake up and take your notes."
"Ya, because I'm really going to look at them again after I write ‘em." He mutters under his breath with distain.

With a little bit of spacing out, the bell decides to grace us with its presence. Same routine, different room.

Here's one survives pointless classes:
1. Sit down and place pencil in hand as if being used,
2. Place head down so to the untrained eye you seem like you’re writing something,
3. Proceed to wait for class to finish while slumbering.

Rinse, repeat.

This is what a day was for Dave and thousands of other high school students. All of them simply putting in their allotted time until they make the required hours to get to the next plateau of life. College being the more expected "next step".

All your days seem to blend together. Assignments given weeks in advance seem to be assigned yesterday. Procrastination, the silent killer.

Just go to sleep Dave, it'll all be over soon. He tells himself even though he knows it’s a lie. 544 more days till freedom. 543, 542, 541… sigh…

Dave sits down in American History class, assumes the position, and puts is hood over his head. He's asleep in a matter of minutes.

He wakes up with the smell of alcohol on him and confused at where he is. A scruffy looking chap greets him with a knowing smile.

"Dude, you were so blitzed last night, that chick Karen was all over you! If you didn't pass out at the party that might have went somewhere." Says the jovial stranger.

More then confused Dave looks up and wonders if this is a dream. Dreams rarely make sense. After a long pause he manages to get out say something.

"Who are you and where the hell am I?"
"Uh.. maybe you had more to drink then I thought… you all right man? I should really take you to the doctor."
"No, I'm fine. Just a little confused on how I got here."
"You’re at NYU and I'm Chazz… your roommate. I'm the one who dragged your drunken self home." He says very slowly as if talking to a dog or a small child.

Although he was given a legitimate answer, it didn't really answer anything. After a long while of thinking about what might be up he decided to just go with it. If this is a dream, he should enjoy it. And if it isn't… he rather not weird out everyone with his crazy story.

"Well man, I'm starving. Lets go to the cafeteria and grab something" Chazz says while making a motion to his stomach.

Without protest Dave follows Chazz out of what he assumes is his dorm room. He finds himself down a long white hallway that seems too small to hold the traffic that's passing through it. There were Guys and girls in towels who seemed to have just come from the shower. Dorm room doors open with music turned on high blasting out almost indecipherable lyrics. There were People going to and from room to room, drinks in hand, carrying on crazy conversations.

This is what Dave imagined college would be. This is where he wanted to be. At first he was scared at what might be happening. Now however he's excited at the possibility of some cosmic screw up allowing him to cheat the system.

After pushing through the onslaught of people they finally made it to the cafeteria. Large amounts of fried snack food were on sale. Over in the corner there were some coffee machines and a couch. On it were 4 guys sitting up in their seat, controllers in hand, screaming out curse words at the plasma screen in front of them. Dave realized they were playing Halo 2 and accepted as normal.

He was finished. High School was done and he was ready to start learning things that mattered. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty. Dave was free at last.

Creative writing class is boring, hence the post. Funny how we havent done a thing in this class for the past week. I was trying to stay home today but my dad say's I've missed too many days... 3 days is to many I guess. Pretty damn tired right now and this is far from a glorious return but havent posted in about two months... 3 more classes to vanquish before I get my weekend. TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT!

Well DC didn’t get to see you before you shoved off but I extend my love. You best represent. The boys will be here to greet you next time you get into town.

Melt faces.
Rock bitches.
Shark Punch when applicable.

Tell us the stories of your escapades and we'll hold down the fort. Go out there and rape the artistic world. Shock them the way Dali did. You got it in ya kid, just gotasta to go balls to the wall. Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, FREE AT LAST!

In Creative Writing class we had to write down a list of some of the most important event in our life. Then we had to describe the event as best as possible. I wrote this:

“It’s late at night in a bed which is not my own, in a house which should not stand. All because of an adulterous relationship, which gave birth to marriage. I lay awake with my thoughts filled only with regret. Remembering all I’ve lost. Love not persuaded and friendships which passed away. Hope, which was ever elusive yet, still clung to. This was the dark night which I tallied the score. I had weighed the good and the bad and found the scales tipped in the negative. I knew all too why. This was the night where I discovered no more love in me and no change of heart.”

I thought of the two women that have broken my heart and the family I now only have distain for. I hate too many things. I thought about what I could do to change things but I’ve made my choices and there seems to be no going back. Fucking Creative Writing class, you’ve brought up worst in me.

"Blessed are the forgetful. For they get the best, even of their blunders"

Why is it that the sad thoughts are the only one I ever post here? Guess they're the only ones I feel needed to be expressed.

Being blunt is good but can be like a habit-forming drug.

Finished watching Cowboy Bebop.

Why is it that I'm always sad at the end of series? Guess it's because the characters that I watched, struggled with, questioned with, fade into nothingness. Like their imagined lives were all for nothing.

No more episodes, no more struggle.

People drink and smoke because it makes them something they're not. People look for God because they hope He make will them into something they couldn’t be before or find acceptance in who they are. I have no love for the one who created me, so I’m not changing or being accepted.

School is starting up again. It's a bitter sweet. Good because it's one step closer to "freedom", bad because the freedom we have now is being extinguished. Is it too much to ask to be taught about life, instead of how LWC perceives life?

The people at that school are making me sick. They're all the same and now we have the uniforms to prove it. The fake, vain attitude of my school leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It's like they're too caught up in the senseless bullshit to ever wake up. But guess it’s not so bad, it’s the only life I’m getting.

We lost like 9 people from my class. I kind of hope there's more leaving. At this point it's just funny. A graduating class of 6-15 would be something to laugh at for years to come.

No direction and don’t think I'm going to find one before some college applications are filled out. Talent less, cynical, and lazy are a dangerous combination.

I refuse to be a sellout so I'll end up failing. Better to fail at succeeding then succeed and be a failure.

But I leave you with this:

The only girl I could ever talk to... for hours of my life. Now I dont even know who you are, where you're at, how to get a hold of you. I should have held you so long ago.

No Bass (Thanks Mail)
No WoW (Thanks Router)
No Escape (Thanks uh.. God)

Oscar Wilde has warped generations before me, and yet I taunt fate and still reread his book. I never reread books. I guess I'm afraid what is true? Maybe. But it's better the be happy then right. I'm neither.

I'm at my mom's place. Man, what a shame. A child should never have to feel pity for their parents. No child should be more level headed then those who should be guiding them.

I'm here, in this house, with nothing but my thoughts and my regrets. Oh and how there are regrets.

Personalities is a bitch.

I'm the silent type to those I have nothing to say to, the jackass when with the boys, the lunatic when alone, happy in my dreams, a hopeless romantic at heart but really just hopeless.

Because I can't change.

My inability to adapt is what will keep me in this cycle.

"The only thing worse then being talked about, is not being talked about" -The Picture of Dorian Gray

When levity and sarcasm are out played... how does one cope with life.

Why do guys always have to make the first move?

I do this to myself. I need to stop blaming others for my current condition.

I have the power to change things regardless if I ask for them or not.

Sometimes not enough blessing is infact a curse.

Confused? Ya I am...

God damn these 4 walls and the skin I'm in.

Tommorrow better fucking rock my face off...

A real Trib sounds great.

I just want to slip away.